Who’s smarter…Caesar the chimp or Bradley Cooper?

Caesar the chimp, who was severely blocked on his "Hamlet" manuscript, solves the problem with the wonder-drug, ALZ113.

Bradley Cooper the writer, who was severely blocked on his novel manuscript, solves his problem with the wonder-drug, NZT48.

I referenced the Infinite Monkey Theorem in a recent post, and now, after watching The Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I see that our primate cousins will be writing  Hamlet much sooner than the Theorem originally hypothesized. The first installment of what I presume will be a series of brainiac ape movies, did include a scene in which a drug-enhanced chimp actually does some writing.

The movie Limitless features a hunky blocked writer, Bradley Cooper, who also acquires awesome cognitive abilities through chemical means. Now a curious nation wonders, which of these drug-fortified thespian primates is smarter? Perhaps a Jeopardy showdown is needed to settle the question.

Both of these recent films incorporate miracle drugs that endow the ingester with super brainiac capabilities. In what seems to be a fierce battle for the “Best Intelligence-Enhancing Drug in a Feature Length Drama” Oscar, James Franco gives Caesar ALZ113 and Johnny Whitworth provides Cooper with his uber-drug NZT48. (I hadn’t previously known this, but evidently all movie genius-drug names must include three capital letters, a ‘Z’ and a number.)

In the process of watching these films I learned that chimps have better immune systems for tolerating genius drugs, because in both movies the wimpier humans come down with horrific side-effects that involve bleeding from the face and an agonizing death. One point: Caesar the chimp.

However, Bradley Cooper figures out how to mitigate the harmful effects of NZT48 while other NZT48-using actors croak around him in droves. He also makes millions of dollars overnight and sleeps with a blond movie star. Caesar, in contrast, was broke at the end of Apes, and never scored once in his movie. Two points: Bradley Cooper.

Cooper publishes his novel by the end of the movie, which is of course a tour de force, and he gets the girl. Caesar simply climbs a tree, all alone, as his grand finale. Two more points: Bradley Cooper.

In both movies the drug-taking stars become capable of kicking serious ass in addition to having computational and cognitive super-powers. One point each.

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes is clearly set up to generate a number of box office record-setting sequels with Caesar prominently featured. Limitless has a much less glorious future in store as sequel-less Netflix download. Worldwide sales for “Apes” are already far outstripping Limitless’s limited grosses, so in terms of who was smarter in choosing a movie to star in, we have to go with Caesar: ten points.

And the Oscar for the “Smartest Primate Actor in an Intelligence Enhancing by Drugs Drama” goes to….Caesar the Chimp! Watch your bookstore for his new play – Rise of the Planet of the Hamlet Writing Apes!

About David Rasch

Author, psychologist, speaker, teacher, consultant, workshop leader
This entry was posted in Tips for overcoming writer's block and procrastination. Bookmark the permalink.

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