• Avoidance; Worry
As you travel around the Wheel of Suffering, your level of concern escalates, as does your motivation to avoid. Worry is a good thing on one hand because it elevates your awareness of what you need to do, but it is also uncomfortable, so it also amplifies the impulse to avoid writing. You may witness yourself engaging in self-sabotaging avoidance behavior, yet be unable to stop procrastinating. The level of distress associated with your project dips temporarily each time you avoid writing, but your internal payload of discomfort continues to grow and weigh on you more and more. There seems to be no way out except to worry more and avoid more.
• Lying; Self-Criticism
Now that a good bit of time has passed with not enough to show for it, shame and self-loathing worm their way into your psyche. If you are asked about your writing, it feels too embarrassing to tell the truth, so you hedge a bit, or maybe a lot. You may also delude yourself that the situation is different than it really is. At this point you feel badly about both your inability to write and the fact that you are deceiving others. More bad feelings now become associated with writing, making it just that much more onerous to sit down and face the monster. In addition, you are now carrying the fear that some of the people you lied to will find out the truth, resulting in the possibility of painful relationship ramifications. You wonder how you will ever get out of your predicament, and your stress level rises. You feel out of control.
(to be continued)